Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Baby Hands

Welcome back Jenn!
Oh thank you Jenn, it's good to be back.
It's been almost a year since you've written anything...what's the deal?

Well, Jenn, since you asked, I've had nothing good to say.
Ok, so I assume that since there's a new post, you now are overflowing with wise words?
Well, let's just see how this goes before we go around making grand claims like that, Jenn.
How true, I should have learned my lesson the last time during the PVC/Trex incident.
Let's not bring that up. Instead let me tell you about "Baby Hands."

So, for the record, I am not referring to my abnormally small fingers that I get teased about constantly and have doomed my one-time dream of playing the guitar ever since I first heard Eric Clapton. No friends.. I am talking about hands that SMELL like babies.

A co-worker brought in her two-month old little girl. She's cute, but honestly, I didn't even really get up to go swoon over her like all the other women in the office. Just wasn't feeling it. Anyway, before I knew it the baby was shoved in my arms like fragile but heavy sleeping gurgling sack of oranges. Now my hands smell like a baby girl. (Well they did. Obviously I washed them.)

Yes, I have 3 or 4 good friends who have infants and toddlers. Two have boys and two have girls - you know who you are. James and Mason, for example, are of the "cuter than any other kid" varities. Love 'em. But in general I think I have to claim those famous words, "I'm not a kid person." Yikes. I probably won't win any contests with that - but at least I'm honest.

It comes down to perspective. From my perspective, I should not be subjected to your kids hour-long temper tantrum while you finish your meal. Sure, call it "Teaching him a lesson" but all it's really doing is providing a good reason for me not to have any of my own.

Ok, I need to go re-wash the baby powder smell off my hands. I think this is going to take a while.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Said the Joker to the Thief....

Ok. This is crap.

I can't even find the real scene where they walk around speaking the lyrics to "All Along the Watchtower." Unacceptable. If you have to end with a music video - do one that isn't associated with a million different things.

Ugh more later when I have brain power.

Oh yeah and I"M BACK~~~

Monday, December 18, 2006


Create Your Own Video

Monday, October 23, 2006

Lessons from TV

Here are some important life lessons from my tv watching this weekend.

1. If your boyfriend is out sailing the ocean and finding himself, DO NOT leave a voicemail on your boyfriend's phone telling him you are pregnant.

2. In an ugly divorce, DO NOT tease your soon-to-be-ex about not being able to "pull the trigger" with another person in bed.

3. Even if you suspect a lump to be the big "C", DO NOT sit in your unlocked office with your hand down your shirt cupping your breast.

4. When staring down the barrel of a handgun held by a crazy guy in speedo underwear and cowboy boots, DO promise to fulfill any obligations.

and finally...

5. After commiting an unforgiveable violation of trust, and dooming the human civilization to extinction, DO NOT accept any liquids that you did not see prepared.

Friday, October 06, 2006


Wine wine wine wine
Whine whine whine whine
Wine wine wine
Whine whine whine

Monday, October 02, 2006

A Groundhog Named Guy

This post will not turn out to be a series of rants about how my own self-induced work load is driving me crazy... but if the 3 of you out there who read this will give me a little leniency, I will indulge myself.

  1. I must be grinding my teeth again at night out of stress, because when I do that, I hurt my jaw which is popping again. If you don't know anyone with TMJ whose jaw pops...think of the jaw bone sliding in and out of it's socket every time you open your mouth. Wooooo.
  2. Headaches. I am not prone to migraines, but I have had crippling headaches (the kind right behind the eyebrow) for the last three straight days. Sucks.
  3. And finally, Guy. As in the French "Gee." Guy is the groundhog off of Rt 32 that I have seen almost every day for the past week. He's so cute when he does that standing up on his back legs thing. I've started waving to him. And I named him Guy.

    I should probably mention that I came up with my own superstition that seeing a groundhog on the side of the road (alive) means you will have a good day. I should probably also mention that everytime I name an animal, they die. I don't do it on purpose. But, well, I'll talk about Huey the lame little bird and the entire set of fish named after characters on a tv show on another day.